I know I already posted tonight but I’m going out of town for two days starting tomorrow and so I wanted to get ahead (as if that makes up for my lack of posting for a WHOLE YEAR)!
Spring Term was all sorts of wonderful. I stayed close with Tay, Adam, and AJ and continued to cultivate my friendship with Dominique next door. We spend so many nights in Tay and my room just laughing and being silly. She’s really someone that I’m glad I got to know. Maintaining friendships was something that came as more difficult for me than I anticipated. I had a huge falling out with my best friend from all the way back n sophomore year of high school in the beginning of Winter Term, and we took some time apart from each other to do a little bit of growing on our own (thankfully we have since made up and really are closer than ever, something that I am more grateful for than I think even she knows). It was hard for me to find my footing apart from her and my other high school best friend who was at the University of Iowa, balancing her hated for her school as well as her long distance relationship. I felt alone for a little while, and then realized that I have so many people who love me and want the best for me, so I promptly stopped feeling sorry for myself and embraced the ability that I was given to find myself – and I think I didn’t do too badly of a job.
In addition to cultivating my friendships, I added a second major!!! I KNOW, look at me go! At the beginning of the term, I decided to add radio to my class list and began to DJ for two hours every Friday night and Saturday morning. Almost immediately, I was hooked. (Thanks, Adam)! Instead of keeping it as a hobby, I decided to pursue it further and am really pleased with the options that are open to me. As a double major in poly sci and broadcast communications, I have such a wide variety of potential career paths and internships available to me, plus my background in theatre has given me a confidence that many of my peers don’t possess immediately when they’re thrown on air. Admittedly, I still get MAD butterflies when the “ON AIR” sign flashes red, but the rush of pride I get when listeners call in to tell me they enjoy what I have to say is so immense that I’ll take the butterflies anytime. Also, it’s so fun to listen to my mom brag to everyone (literally everyone) that her daughter has a radio show. It makes me happy knowing that she’s proud of me.
Despite some drama involving someone my friend group used to hang out with, Spring Term was mostly smooth sailing. I worked hard on my grades and buckled down in Sonata. I was elected as the Social Media Consultant on the Exec Board for the 2016-17 school year and I was so incredibly proud of myself 🙂 It’s still a huge high point in my life. Ed and I found ourselves arguing more and more, however, and almost called it quits a few times. It got to the point where I think I was holding onto something that wasn’t there anymore – this is certainly not to say that he didn’t love me anymore or that I didn’t love him. I had more love in my heart for him than I knew possible; he was just evolving into someone that I didn’t know. In all fairness, I have changed too. But where I think that my change is for the better, I wasn’t always so confident with his. We fought about important things and stupid things just the same, and it was taking a toll on me and everyone around me. I have my mom and Taylor to thank for keeping me sane in those few weeks of crazy emotions…I don’t know what I would have done if they hadn’t stepped up and held me up when all I so badly wanted was to admit defeat and let my sadness overtake me. I began to think for myself and make decisions that I was proud of. This isn’t to say that I wasn’t proud of myself before, but I began to take control and not let him manipulate things like when I was finished hanging out with my friends so he could pick me up, or how long I could hang out with Adam for until it got uncomfortable (which is never, ever did).
Spring Term were some of the most emotionally taxing 10 weeks I’ve ever been through, but they were for sure my favorite 10 weeks of college thus far. I got home from school on June 8th and not two hours later I was dying to go back.
I suppose that this really belongs in a summer entry, but I’ll include it because it had been a long time coming. On June 10th, I ended Ed and I’s relationship, 12 days before our 1.5 year anniversary. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, without a doubt. Essentially, I wasn’t confident that the man he was when I broke up with him was one that I wanted to or could spend the rest of my life with; he was worlds different from the man I fell in love with. And I did still love him when we ended things, and I think a part of me will always love him. He was my first great love; but that’s the thing. I want to have many great loves and while I could see a future with Ed, I think at this point I’m too young to settle down without even trying to explore what’s out there! It has been some of the most emotional days and weeks since the breakup, and I think I’ve been all over the emotion spectrum. I’m so thankful for my wonderful friends and family who put up with my incessant tears after the initial break up…it felt like I didn’t stop crying for three days. No one ever got mad or fed up with me though, and I really am blessed to have such a wonderful support system. Every piece of advice I’ve gotten since the break up is just that I did the right thing, I’m in for a wonderful experience, and that I’m supported. One of the women I babysit for, a close friend of my mom’s for 3 years or so, told me “be proud of yourself for being brave,” and that brought me to tears. Since then, that’s been something that I’ve tried to remember when things get hard and I think I’ve made a horrible mistake. So far, it’s been a different road than I anticipated taking maybe 6 months ago, but it has been a road full of opportunity and experience, and for that I am grateful.
I think I’ll make a separate blog post about how the break up went and how I’m doing almost 2 months since I’ve seen him, but right now I’m absolutely cashed. Thanks for letting me ramble, and I’ll see y’all in a few short days!
Dominique, Taylor, and I cheering Tay on at her cheer showcase!
Adam visited me & chatted on my radio show one Friday night – I didn’t stop laughing the whole evening. 🙂
Sonata Problem at NIU, opening for the Huskie Hunks. We sang a 3 piece set and made so many lovely friends that night!
For Taylor’s 19th birthday, our dysfunctional friend group went to the Riverwalk at 11 pm and WADED in the ice cold water as the clock hit midnight…gotta ring it in big for Tay’s last teenage year!
The winsome threesome at Springfest. We didn’t know it then, but we have plans to hang those license plates up in our dorm room this year 🙂
Me, Noah, and Ed at the Morton Arboretum one Sunday afternoon. This was probably the Last Good Day, although we didn’t know it then. I look disgusting in the picture but it makes my heart happy. Ed and I took pictures of just the two of us but this one is my favorite because Noah was begging to get in the picture, and as soon as Ed’s mom took the camera and started snapping, he was distracted by the frog statues. Kids, man. 😉
My lovely lovely friend Haley, who is going through Sonata with me as a first year as well. So grateful for her talented self!